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Professor Parker Woodson with V the Velociraptor debut at Animal Kingdom 4/19/14 (by All Around Orlando)

I….just. Okay. I can’t even start with this.

Yes, this is a test only. But the public sees this, and not every visitor right now knows about testing periods, reads internet scuttlebutt to know this is an first-time deal, not permanent, etc - so giving this impression willingly, onstage, in broad daylight to paying guests who don’t know conditions of it, to me - that just seems like a poor decision which might harm the reputation of Disney entertainment/theme parks for some viewers. And suspension of disbelief for a stage show like Nemo at Animal Kingdom, I get, where there’s a puppet to perform and a human to sing, both - puppetry of that sort is long ingrained in entertainment across the world.

This just looks really lazy and unprofessional, though. Seriously, Disney? And I was optimistic about this proposed entertainment, too, adding character and texture to AK. I do understand, in the modern age, about Disney being under the microscope as it were when it comes to new additions being reviewed right away and folks maybe being harsh on small stuff in rehearsals for limited crowds - but how was this deemed ready for public viewing? Lucky the Dinosaur, this isn’t. By a long shot.

Just bad show.

Here’s another video.

There’s just no other way to say it. This is absolutely pathetic.

Lucky the Dinosaur debuted in 2003 and was a heck of a lot more realistic (and a heck of a lot less annoying-sounding) than this. This is just a cheap, tacky (at least tacky for a Disney park) Halloween costume.

Seriously, watch the videos of this cheap party trick, then watch a video of Lucky.

Lucky is more realistic.
Lucky isn’t scaring children.
Lucky isn’t a blatantly obvious pair of human legs and a human torso surrounded by latex rubber.
Lucky doesn’t let out really annoying shrieks every few seconds.
Lucky’s tail doesn’t need two cast members to keep it from hitting guests in the face.

I’m frankly ashamed of Disney for even trying to get away with this. This is “we want a dinosaur, but we’re too cheap to use that other one that people loved.” Test period or not, this is just sad.

That’s not only lame, it’s terrifying.

Let’s talk about story. Disney’s parks claim to be all about storytelling to the nth degree. Look at this theming on the pavement. Look at this very specific historical object in a window that’s so small you’ll never be able to see it. LOOK AT THIS TINY INSIGNIFICANT THING THAT WE PAYED FAR TOO MUCH MONEY FOR AND WE COULD HAVE EASILY AND CHEAPLY FAKED BUT WE DID IT ANYWAY BECAUSE #STORY. 

(it’s a sensitive subject.)

Parker Woodson and V fly completely in the face of the story of Dinoland. Dinoland is supposed to be centered around the Dino Institute, which is developing exciting new Time Rover technology. Dinosaurs exist only in the past- until, of course, you ride the DINOSAUR attraction and bring an iguanadon back to the present.

But allegedly, Dr. Woodson has raised V from an egg. WHAT? Where did the egg come from? Has Dr. Seeker been sending others out on trans-dimensional joyrides for years? Does nobody at the Institute see a problem with a velociraptor running amuck??? 

Here are some potential story fixes I have to offer, Disney:

- change the velociraptor to the iguanadon captured during your ride on DINOSAUR. It would be a more difficult costume to pull off, but honestly, pretty much anything would be more convincing than V. 

- keep the velociraptor (WITH A BETTER COSTUME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD), but change the story so it’s consistent. Dr. Woodson should emphasize that she was inspired by our own adventures, so she went back in time and captured her own dino. Still a little shaky story-wise (and they should only be positioned outside DINOSAUR’s exit), but an improvement. 

I was so excited for some awesome Streetmosphere in my favorite Disney land, but I can’t help but be disappointed by this lazy effort. 




Guy stages a fake occult secret society meeting, then orders pizza

San Diego photographer Tim King recently hosted a secret society-themed party for eight of his friends, complete with robes, masks, and a soundtrack provided by the “chanting monks” Pandora station. Then he ordered a pizza delivery, turned on a video camera, and waited.

See this is a prank. It’s fun, it’s funny, it doesn’t hurt anyone, and it gives the guy getting pranked a good story to tell with no skin off his back.

I almost forgot that pranks could be funny. 

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